It is definitely time for another doctor's appointment. I am starting to worry again that something is wrong. My symptoms just aren't that strong (of course they never really have been...) And I hate everything I read about the 1st trimester that says I should be nauseous all day, eating saltines and drinking ginger ale. "But" they always say "Morning sickness is a sign of a nice strong pregnancy." Well, what about me?!?! I haven't had a shred of it. I know that not everbody gets it (my mom didn't) but come on, I need all the positive signs of pregnancy I can get! I also need another visit to the doctor to ease my fears. Unfortunately my next u/s isn't until next Thursday. For some reason I feel like because I haven't had an u/s since week 8 that soemthing bad has happened since then. I know I will be a wreck before next week's u/s but hopefully when it's over I will be relieved again.
I can't stop thinking about a comment one of my IF buddies left for me several weeks ago. I think it was Leah, but I've searched and searched and can't find it. Whoever this fabulous comment-leaver was, her comment was so true and I can't get it out of my mind. After finding out I was pregant she told me to think of her with her prison issued cup, yelling through the fence at me to run!!! In a way I feel like because I am now pregnant I am escaping from the prison that is IF. I am running as fast as I can to escape the medications, constant frustration, expenses, and sorrow. I am trying to get to the freedom that is a "normal", IF-free life. The scariest part is, no matter how fast I try to run, I feel like the guards may grab me and throw me back into IF prison. And that thought terrifies me. I can't go back. Not now. I have to know that this baby is ok.
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All I have to say is: ditto. On all the emotions. I was trying to explain to my husband - "it's so much pain, followed by so much happiness, but the pain is always there not just as a memory but as a future possibility. Always." And fertile people aren't coming from that dreadful emotional background.
For what it's worth, I've had one successful pregnancy; no symptoms for the first 10 weeks or so, and then mild queasiness for five minutes or so after waking. No barfing, ever. No sore boobs, ever. Everyone is different. Nausea is not a requirement. Good luck to you.
Its sad, but I think we continue to carry the scars of IF, even after finally getting pregnant. We are extra fearful and paranoid about losing a pregnancy and we need a lot more reassurance than the typical non-infertile pregnant person. We NEED it. For our mental health. So don't feel bad about bugging your doctor to come in between appointments to hear the heartbeat on the doppler or to do a quick scan in the office. Lie if you have to! Say you were really sick yesterday (or had a migraine or some kind of vague pain). They will certainly accommodate you.
Pregnancy after IF is about as stressful as IF itself. Do whatever it takes to set your mind at ease!
I'm not having much morning sickness either. I didn't when I had my daughter either. I think I only puked twice, once was because I drank a huge glass of water too fast, and the other was because I ate way too much mexican. This time around, I'm having a lot of issues while eating. I'll be eating my chicken or something, and suddenly can't even consider eating another bite. But then I'll be able to eat something else 10 minutes later. Very wierd.
I hear you on the fear. I'm terrified of something going wrong. I've been scared, and sad and hurting for the last 2 years while we tried, and now that I finally got a BFP (with twins), I'm terrified that it's a big joke and it's going to be snatched away in a second.
Best of luck at your Ultrasound next week!!
I am SO sick with morning sickness, and I can tell you, it is anything but reassuring. I throw up all the time, and I wonder, is this baby getting enough to eat? I'm on an anti-nausea pill that they give to cancer patients to deal with chemo. I can't be in the house if my husband cooks dinner. Its not fun at all.
I can barely work, and when I do, people look at my business card (my picture is on it) look at me, and say, "is that you?"---I look like death lately.
I'm in my 16th week, and everyone tells me that I should stop throwing up any day now.
Get on your knees and thank God you don't have this. It's like the worst hangover combined with the worst stomach flu ever. It will not make you feel better about being pregnant.
I love the prison break analogy. Pregnancy after IF is rough no matter what your pregnancy is like.
I know. I don't know if you can ever really escape it. My symptoms have been easing up and it freaks me the HELL out! They are reassuring. I just keep telling myself that everyone is different and, actually, most people don't barf their whole first trimester. It's just that the people who do are very vocal about it. You and I need to go to Google Anonymous to try to kick the habit! :)
Think about calling your doctor and getting in earlier for a quick little check. There is nothing wrong with being high maintenance. In fact, after my miscarriage I informed my OB that he better watch out, because next time I am going to be very high maintenance. He said that was perfectly OK and he is looking forward to it. Also, keep in mind that everything is OK and fine and perfect, until somebody (and this somebody should only be your doctor) tells you otherwise try not to scare yourself.
I'M loving the prison break analogy... it is spot-on. I'll have to use that with hubby - help him understand my fears and occasional sadness.
Hang in there, girl. Thinking about you lots and lots.
I know it doesn't help, but I'll say it anyway... I had no symptoms either.
I'm sure everything is just fine with your little one, but I know that doesn't help. Don't worry about the symptoms, I was shocked and kept asking, "Isn't there supposed to be MORE?" After every scan, I was convinced something had happened right afterwards. Its normal, or else I'm abnormal (quite possible). Everyone is different.
I too was and still am pertified of getting thrown back in jail. Hang in there!
I never had any m/s and it freaked the s*it out of me too. Hang in there.
my nausea did not start right away, but then I was very sick for weeks -- as a commenter said it was like a very very bad hangover. Awful. And your boobs might get huge in no time. And the smells! Gah! The first trimester can be tough. And you should be exhausted all the time, very very soon... Pregnant infertiles are all the same: we bitch if we are robbed of pregnancy symptoms, but then bitch when we finally get them!
I don't wish for you to be barfing all day long, but I do wish that you had "enough" pregnancy symptoms to put your fears to rest. I've been praying like crazy for your pregnancy to be smooth and trouble free, so maybe it's working. :-)
It was me who used the prison break analogy. It feels so good to see one of my cellmates on the other side! If any of the guards start to come after you, I promise I'll run a clothesline low across the ground to trip them up before they get to you.
You will ALWAYS need to know that the baby is ok...forever. You will also always have at least one toe dipped into the infertile pool.
Everyone, spot on! Wishing you lots of strength! Thinking of you HUGS
i did not have morning sickness with caty either, maybe if i had i wouldn't have gained 80 lbs. :)
i think about about you and the wee one all the time, love you!!
Hi...
There is a song that I love that says: to feel the pleasure I first had to heal the pain!
I assume it must be like that when we finally get pregnant after dealing with IF. I hope that you can feel free and concentrate on the joy of motherhood soon
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