Well, I've done it again. Took a nap after dinner and now can not sleep. I stayed in bed trying to fall asleep as long as I could stand it. Of course all that goes through my mind are thoughts of infertility. Here are my scattered thoughts:
I have several annoying little reminders at home that remind me that I am childless. The first is the minivan we bought in Novemeber. I know they are not cool, but I rather like our minivan. It is brand new and spacious and much nicer than any other car I've ever owned. Here's the problem: people get minivans to haul their kids around in. I do not have kids. Why did we buy it you ask? Call it wishful thinking. One of our cars was dying and we knew it needed to be replaced. We also knew that when/if we ever had kids we would need a bigger car. We also thought that when/if we ever had kids our bank account would likely be drained, so better to spend the big bucks now while we (kind of) have it. Well, we've had the minivan for 6 months and still no sign of carseats. The real kicker- we hardly drive it because we want to keep the mileage low for if/when we have kids.
Annoying thing number 2. Last year when I was pregnant I bought some clothes at a maternity store. With my purchase I was offered a 2 year subscription to Parenting magazine which I gleefully accepted. Now like clockwork, two things show up every month: my period and that f'ing magazine. I am saving them in the basement in the hopes that SOMEDAY I may be able to read them.
Additionally annoying is that because I get this magazine I also get all sorts of baby related junk mail: invites to sears portrait studio, free sesame street spoon/plate sets, blood cord stuff... I give most of it what I call "the scary eye" and throw it into the trash.
Finally, I am annoyed by assumingly fertile dumbasses. I was listening to a morning radio show yesterday. They reported that a celebrity couple was planning to adopt and one of the DJs said, "Why can't people just have their own kids?" I was livid at hearing this! I didn't say anything about it yesterday because it was my birthday and the guy is clearly an idiot. Today I'm ready to write hate mail to the radio station. Does this fool have any idea how many people would like to have biological kids and can't? Or for that matter, how exhausting yet wonderful adoption can be? I'm sure the thought never crossed his mind. Being the fool that he is he assumes that everyone just happily and effortlessly reproduces. Stupid, ignorant, rassafrassa, frick, grr...
And those, my friends, are my midnight thoughts.
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10 comments:
Reminders are everywhere! But I try my best to avoid it. The worse are those insensitive comments.
They are totally everywhere.
The comments are worst but I try to tell myself that maybe I'm over-sensitive and try and ignore them.
Its so hard that reminders are everywhere we turn--and that DJ should be slapped! Ignorance is so hard to deal with! I too, still get the emails from places I signed up when we first started trying...
Yuck! I hate reminders! I think you did what you had to do with the minivan. I remember happily signing up for free Winnie the Pooh bowls, board books, you name it. They all came but my babies didn't. I saved them in a box--I guess I kind of liked the thought of having stuff that belonged to my babies, although I hated looking at it. And as for that DJ, apparently according to him we should all just live our lives selfishly unaware of the sufferings of others...good doctrine.
The waiting game gets really old, really quick and the least anyone can do is to be sensitive to our plight! I guess those that have been fortunate enough to not be in these shoes don't get the pain and frustration associated with infertility. Lucky them!
*Great blog by the way. :)
I have a minivan, too, and people always give me a funny look when I tell them I don't have kids. I also have maternity clothes in the back of my closet. It SUCKS.
You think a lot at midnight, and I can relate. I've had a situation in the past like your parenting magazine one. I too bought at a materinity store, and they sent me baby booties two weeks after I miscarried. Icky.
I drive an equinox .... 20 miles to work (one way NOT interstate driving ;( )because of said reason ..i was SURE that we would be filling it with carseats because i WAS, after all, going to a fertility specialist (RE) ...... think of the gas/milage/money I am wasting/wasted getting a bigger car "for the child(ren)"
I get those friggin' magazines too, however unlike you I am much less tolerant and merely toss them.
The reminders are the worst.
They linger to keep it fresh in our minds that we are no closer than we were when we started this.
shitty, shitty, shitty.
We bought a car in August 2005 with a view to it being a 'family car'. It's not big - especially by American standards - but it has four doors - our last car only had two, and the seats didn't flip forward properly, so we bought a Respectable, Grown Up, Parents to Be car. It didn't quite work out like that, and now every time I drive the damn thing I'm reminded of how it's full of CDs and map books, not cuddle toys and carseats. So I'm totally sympathetic on that *Hugs*
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